BRITNEY SPEARS' $20,000 BODY FIGURE

Britney Spears is dropping a ton of coin to, scientifically speaking, tighten that ass up. She's spending roughly $22 grand a month on a personal trainer, nutritionist and dance choreographer. Britney was getting sick of the constant pregnancy rumors, so she decided to do something about it that, surprisingly, didn't involve flashing her vagina at a Whopper. Wow, she has changed. The Daily Mail reports: She has also taken on some of Victoria Beckham's diet tips, eating plenty of steamed fish and snacking on edamame beans. Britney also endures intensive work-outs with Pussycat Dolls' personal trainer James Van Daff as well as three-hour dance classes six times a week.

The source added: 'Britney piled on a lot of weight earlier this year. She was so stressed about the custody case and her medication for her bipolar disorder also made her put on weight. She was tired of being flabby and wanted to do something about it.'

Now, says the insider: 'Britney is so proud of herself because her ab muscles are back. She's feeling better than she has in ages.' See? This is exactly what I tell women while I'm waiting in line at Starbucks. If you're serious about losing weight, just fork over $20 G's a month. It's that simple. Otherwise, you should probably let me have your whipped cream, or else your husband will sleep with his secretary. What can I say? I'm an inspiration.